New Year, Same Dress: Will Things Change?

Experiencing joy in the things that remain the same and hope for the things you long to change.

New Year, New Me was never a saying I understood. The year had changed, but everything else continued to remain the same. Bills were still due, classes would be coming, and I would still wrestle with when to take down my Christmas tree. This time of year, again, was filled with the most joy and deepest sorrow condensed into 7 days. New Year, same me.

Evenings were filled with holiday parties where photos were for couples and gingerbread houses; no longer a fun, tranquil experience, it became a battleground. It feels like déjà vu – like I have lived these days before. I am standing here wearing the same dress, surrounded by the same people, desiring the same things in life that are still unfulfilled. The only thing that has changed is the year…

What do I do with that? Is it even true?

Was 2024 the same? Have I not changed? As I reflect on the year, I remember all the firsts and the moments too sweet to feel real. The countries I got to visit as I remembered my love of adventure and travel. Rediscovering creativity and the joys of crafting worlds out of language. Finding peace in mundane things like cat snores, warm, soapy water while doing dishes, and the taste of perfectly brewed tea. This past year was also filled with heartbreak, longing, and the stings of disappointment.

I longed to be embraced with romantic love and that financial hardships would subside. I hoped those who hurt me would acknowledge the pain and change. To balance out all the ways I am reminded how often I fall short, to the point it replays in my mind. I believed getting older would make me stronger, but it has made me more sensitive to all the ways a heart can break.

Yet, as I step into 2025, I am reminded that I am not the same person I was. The person would shrink to please others. The person who sought control to hide insecurities and self-doubts. I have been kinder and gentler with others, and especially myself, by realizing how weak I truly am. That I don’t have to be strong or fill the gaps for other people. That my worth and identity are already established and firmly grounded in the God who sees me.

I still desire those same things. To fall in love, get married, and have kids. That hasn’t changed. But I am discovering new things I desire and new things I hope for. God has given me new dreams that I could not have dreamt on my own.

Is this the newness I was seeking?

Instead of seeing life through the lens of what has been lost or not happened yet, I see it as endless possibilities that I don’t have to force or fight for. I just get to be. Outwardly, things don’t seem to have changed, but within me, there is a new sense of joy, hope, and wonder. What will happen in this new year? What desires and dreams will unfold, and which ones will continue to grow? All the new stories, experiences, and fails to be lived this year wearing this same dress.